This is a post that I hope will give parents reading this hope and faith.
This is my son Ted. Ted is 5 years old and has Autism. At 3 years old, Ted was nonverbal with the exception of making noises to communicate, which would occasionally progress to talking through pre learnt phrases in the wrong context. Ted struggled to understand social cues and could not sit still or wait for his turn. Most attempts to help him try to understand things would result in distress and a meltdown.
This is Ted yesterday. He decided he wanted to take part in reciting a poem in his first Feis. It was his choice. There was no pressure for him to do so from me or his mum. Her role became helping him practice it, whilst my role was to reassure him he could do it, or talk things through with him when he felt nervous and anxious. For us, it was just incredible that he was going to do it.
He won!
This is not a post about winning. Winning is not something I care about unless you are in a role in life where it is important. It was the fact that two years ago, this seemed impossible and not something Ted would ever experience. To stand up in front of his peers and parents and speak with confidence. To be able to sit and wait and watch other children go before him and not run off or to not kick off as a way to escape reciting the poem after getting as far as it being his turn.
There is no formula as to how we got here. As parents, we embraced his Autism as a gift rather than a burden. The gift that his personality is so unique, he does not care what anybody thinks (even if he is blissfully unaware in this context). We made a choice that we would never judge anyone who may not understand Ted or judge us for not being ‘disciplined’ enough to ‘control’ Ted, but these would be people who would not be part of our circle of support. We were open about Autism, it is not a diagnosis, it is a different way of viewing things and we were blessed to be fortunate to have an incredible close network of family and friends who went out of their way to upskill themselves to include Ted and these people have played a major role in Ted being able to take the stage yesterday.
They like Ted’s teachers past and present, and in particular his 1:1 support Miss Moody have no idea the impact they have made and the role they continue to play, and how grateful we are to them.
What is the message here?
If the system is failing you keep fighting it, there are brilliant people who are worth fighting for to gain access to that will help your child.
Do not worry about what society thinks is ‘normal’. What does society actually know? Society knows nothing unless it has walked our paths as parents.
Embrace your journey if you can. There are challenges that come. Life is tough. But challenges can be overcome and hindsight will reflect how much they help you grow.
Autism can be a gift if you allow it to be. The people we hold up on pedestals as hero’s in our lives tend to have one thing in common. They are authentic. That is why we love them and why we are drawn to them. Ted’s autism is his authenticity stamp and this was why he achieved what he did yesterday.
In your journeys continue to have faith. You are doing phenomenal jobs as a parents. There will be ups and downs for us all. This is not a straight path but no path worth walking is. With patience and acceptance things will work out, maybe not how we originally thought but how they are meant to.
Well Done Ted. You continue to show courage and inspire your mum and I every day!